Shock Factor

Culture shock is not a new term or experience for me. last year before embarking on my gap year to Brazil I was drilled on the different parts of the “u” how the curve can be more like an infinite, daily rollercoaster rather than a simple, neat transition. I arrived to Brazil, filled with warnings and advice to the point where I thought I could go through free of culture shock, I could prevent it! The first few weeks I did, happily exploring this new land, language and culture; what I did not realize was that I was in the honeymoon phase. As the days progressed and I found myself struggling to obtain the accent and understand why people thought my normal actions were strange and quirky I realized that no matter how much warning I received the inevitable had arrived,  stage two: Disorientation. This experience was parallel to my first days in Bucknell and the assurance I felt as I drove out of New York at 3 in the morning, looking out my window to the most nostalgic site: the bright city lights and tall buildings were zooming past me, culture shock was far from my mind. I thought I was done with that, a year in Brazil is culture, school in America is nowhere near the same. Despite my plan to fall asleep immediately, my exhaustion was chased away by the realization that the city zooming by me eyes was something I would not see for many months. I drank it in as if I was hoping to fill up a reservoir  of the city to make it through the long days of living in a small town. I held onto the city, to comfort, to friends, to diversity until the last possible moment, watching it fade off. My buildings slowly gave way to trees and the traffic became a lone highway leading into the unknown.

I am a first generation, Ecuadorian- American New Yorker from a low-income background in a school where the only time diversity is a majority is in a wordle of its mission statement. Despite this, I do not feel barriers in the sense of huge gates blocking me from the university but rather small obstacles that pop up when I least expect it. I knew the barriers I would have to face, told myself I was prepared for them. My financial status was obviously not going to be up to par with theirs: I was a low income student with an EFC of zero and stress about money and making this “worth it” constantly on my mind. No matter how much I tried to fit in there would always be the small details that separated me from the classmates who could afford to pay even half of this school’s tuition. A trip to the bookstore resulted in aimless wandering and ogling at t-shirt prices, and a glance at the textbook prices meant a reevaluation of my budget and borrowing friend’s books to take pictures of their textbooks (note: studying from tiny pictures on your phone is not an efficient way to learn physics). There was also a matter of language. I had two things working against me: English is not my first language and New York slang might as well be its own language. My accent and the way I used my words caused immediate judgements and questions that inhibited me from progressing socially and when teachers made assumptions, academically. My English is fluent and may as well have been my first language but every once in a while there is a pause when I cannot eloquently discuss my opinions because the only word that comes to my mind is one without a spanish translation to accompany it. This pause causes me to hesitate before raising my hand out of worry that I will sound foolish because I will not be able to articulate what I am trying to say like others. This causes a barrier in classes and even socially when I remain quiet during larger conversations. Finally I face a social barrier because of my manner of acting: as a New Yorker I learned to be very brusque as I am heading places, as a survival tactic. I am aware as I am power-walking through the quad with my earphones plugged in that I am not the perfect picture of a welcoming open Bucknell student but it is a habit I am unable to kick. This closed off persona that I unintentionally emit results in less people approaching me to converse or even meeting my eye when I walk by.

To avoid these reactions: the looks, the comments, and the avoidance I could make more an effort to be more open and welcoming to my neighbors because as someone in a new culture I have to learn to respect it and compromise it with my own. My neighbors could stop judging me based on my outward appearance and the gaps they see between us, instead getting to know us and making a culture exchange possible.


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2 responses to “Shock Factor”

  1. Haipu Sun Avatar
    Haipu Sun

    It surprised me that even American people from different states or cities may feel cultural shock. Although in China, we also have different culture in different provinces or cities, we don’t have too much shock in different urban places.
    And believe me, as a Chinese, when I go across the road even inside the campus, I will stop to see whether there are cars or not. And most of the time, I even tried to let cars go first and after second I will be able to realize that pedestrian go first……

  2. Iris Fu Avatar
    Iris Fu

    Like your pictures. This piece of writing is fluent and I can feel the emotion within it. Everyone here is facing a culture shock, and I don’t think there’s a perfect model of Bucknellian that everyone should imitate. Textbooks are expensive, we all agree on that. Try to buy it from upperclassmen or online will be cheaper, and it’s possible to resell it to class of 2020. Also, library may have the textbook you want. Every moment of hardworking today will finally work out in the future.

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